Where Have Good Manners Gone

Friends often suggest ideas for columns. I appreciate the thought. I certainly need all the help I can get. Coming up with 600 or more words associated with their idea is hard, so I usually politely say thank you and put their idea on my back-burner list.

            Recently one friend was persistent in offering up her thoughts on an issue she deemed to be a serious, modern problem to the point of chasing me across the park to elaborate.

            Not wanting to be ill-mannered or impolite, I always vow to give their ideas some thought. Boy, have I on this one! In fact, I can’t get it out of my mind. Frankly, the problem drives me “nuts” too. I have spent hours thinking about it.

            The issue: Where have good manners gone?

            My friend’s husband added his take on bad manners: Clerks saying, “Have a good one” after serving you. “One what?” he wonders? And “do you get only one?” I wonder if he goes back later, can he get another one?

            Often a clerk will say, “Have a nice day.” That’s nice, but wouldn’t it be nicer if prefaced by “thank you?” Or just “thank you” would be fine. Let’s keep it simple. But not too simple. After I take my change, hearing “no problem” drives me crazy. Had there been a problem before?

            Recently I did run into a young person who said please and thank you. Congratulations to her. She deserves a raise, and to her parents: Good job! “Please,” “thank you” and “you’re welcome” seem to have vanished from social exchanges.

            Lack of good manners isn’t just limited to over-the-counter of the convenience store or snack bar. When was the last time you saw someone carry a heavy bag across the street for an elderly person? Not often.

            There have been numerous videos on the internet of young people not offering their seats to older people on a subway or a bus. Ask yourself, has anyone younger than you addressed you as Mr., Mrs., Miss or Ms. lately? How about opening a door for you?

            You hear a lot about “kids today …,” but they often get a bad rap. Older folks aren’t any better in the good-manners arena. Videos abound, showing them sitting while a pregnant woman or a physically challenged person is left standing.

            Sure, customs change, but good manners should never go out of style. Historically, society has looked up to our leaders to be examples of good manners. Parliamentary rules exist in government to ensure politicians engage in polite debate.

            You’ve read about recent members of Congress calling each other names or shouting at their colleagues during debates. Not long ago one representative, who will remain nameless, called another “worthless,” and that’s mild. There are “no holds barred” as far as insulting goes on the campaign trail.

            Ill-mannered behavior seems to be in the DNA of people in the political arena. Bad-mannered mudslinging goes way back. In 1861 Mary Chesnut, wife of a prominent political operative, called another’s wife, “ugly as sin, fat, stupid, and cross-eyed.”

            Abe Lincoln’s political opponents called him a “buffoon,” a “hyena” and an “ignoramus.” Thomas Jefferson called John Adams a “blind, bald, toothless … character with neither the force nor fitness of a man …”

            Even earlier in 1830, the British author Francis Trollope, after visiting our shores, wrote an entire book about our country’s lack of manners.

            No one likes bad manners. Woe-be-tied the person who chastises the offender. That would be bad manners. You can’t win. Respect, civility, rudeness and bad manners have become common on TV, on social media and just about everywhere in our day-to-day life. And so, it goes.

            By the way, there are 647 words in this essay. Thank you for reading, and have a nice day.

            Mattapoisett resident Dick Morgado is an artist and happily retired writer. His newspaper columns appeared for many years in daily newspapers around Boston.

Thoughts on…

By Dick Morgado