Really Important Things on My Mind

Now that the election is over, I can go back to thinking about some really important things that have been on my mind. You may be interested in them as well. While you were concentrating on politics, and I am sure you were, much has happened in the world. So, I have compiled a list of especially important news reports that you probably missed. It is important to keep up to date on these matters.

            Let’s start with William Shakespeare. Yes, the bard has been in the news recently. If you are a Shakespeare aficionado, you may have heard that some people believe he did not write his many plays, sonnets, and poems. They suggest that Christopher Marlowe, a contemporary of the playwright, actually penned Shakespeare’s work. Some even say that Marlowe was Shakespeare. Anyway, that’s the theory.

            Well, here’s a twist. Apparently, some very bored mathematicians have been selling the “Infinite Monkey Theorem” that suggests that a monkey with a lot of time on his hands and a typewriter could write all the collected works of William Shakespeare. Thankfully, two brilliant University of Technology Sydney professors have published a paper that declares the theorem is just bananas. In fact, their exhaustive research shows that there is “roughly a 5% chance that one monkey could type the word “bananas” in a lifetime.”

            Shakespeare wrote 884,421 words. The Shakespeare Birthplace Trust adds that he introduced 1700 words into the English language and that “banana was not one of them.” Other academic types agree and say that the whole study was “a wild goose chase,” a phrase Shakespeare did invent.

            On to other news. I haven’t been to New York City in some time but as I recall the streets are covered with pigeon…hum…pigeons. I’ll leave it at that. Pigeons are synonymous with that city. Now, an artist has honored the iconic pigeon with a giant, two-story high statue, smack dab in the heart of the city. The “dinosaur” as it has come to be called is in homage to its ancestor, the Tyrannosaurus Rex. (Who knew?)

            As you might imagine, the statue’s arrival came with some complaints from the good people of the city, since the birds have often been called “rats with wings.” They are known to be very smart, able to recognize words and faces. They (the pigeons, not the current populous) arrived in the city in the early 100s of years ago and are prized by pigeon racing fans like Mike Tyson and the late Marlon Brando. Not to mention the military used carrier pigeons to send important messages during wars. So be sure to salute the giant pigeon statue the next time you visit New York City.

            Finally, recently it was widely reported that NASA has confirmed the exact date the world will come to an end. (Not to be confused with those that predicted doomsday after the election). Relax, don’t hide under the bed just yet. It seems that the late physicist Stephen Hawking had predicted that the world would come to an end in a ball of fire in the year 2600 due to overpopulation and the use of too much energy. NASA has been studying this very prediction for many years. Despite the latest furor the report has caused, they have denied they know the exact date of the end of humanity. Whew!

            There, I told you this was really important stuff.

Thoughts on…

By Dick Morgado

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