I’ve been keeping an eye on the world of politics lately (hard to avoid), and I have decided that in a few weeks, or maybe later, I will be making a major announcement. Today, though, because my readers are so special, I am going to let you in on what will surely be a major development in my life and yours.
I will be announcing my candidacy for a seat in the United States House of Representatives, or maybe the U.S. Senate. I haven’t decided yet, but I will soon … maybe. I believe I am eminently qualified. I am of sound mind, and I passed the Montreal Cognitive Assessment Test … I think. Since retirement, I have become extremely proficient in doing nothing. I wear shorts. I have sneakers and wear a hoodie from time to time. If a senator from Pennsylvania can dress that way, I can too.
I think I can be as influential as he is. One of the first things he did was to get the Senate Majority Leader to waive the dress code for senators on the chamber floor. Now that is serving the people. Less formal attire in business is the trend these days, and the Senate is where the people’s business is conducted. Right? Despite what my bride says, I like being at the cutting edge of modern trends.
I was an elected official, so I know how to run a campaign. My whole campaign budget was $35. I promise to be very frugal with your money. I also have an advanced college degree, and we all know that the more education one has, the less qualified you are to do much of anything. (Ask any teacher when raise time comes up.) In politics, the less experience you have, the more qualified you are for all high positions in government. Anyone can run for office, even known scallywags. Well, I am not a crook. I promise you that.
Speaking of raises, did you know my future colleagues in Washington want a raise? It’s true. My education must be faulty because it is my understanding that one must work to earn a raise. Even a well-known conservative representative from Georgia has said, “the biggest surprise to me (upon joining Congress) is that many members of Congress don’t actually work.”
Well, there you go! I am all in if all I will have to do is work less than I do now. But I am willing to sacrifice for my constituents. Vote for me, I will sacrifice for you. Hey, that may be my campaign slogan. It would make a great bumper sticker.
The advocates for this raise say that it is expensive to live in Washington and maintain a second residence back home in their district. After all, they say, the rent on a one-bedroom apartment on Capitol Hill is close to $2,300 per month. That is a tough nut to crack for the over 50% of congresspersons who are multimillionaires. They say that is why so many members of Congress are jumping ship, ’er retiring. Also, they are concerned about the “brain drain” financial stress created by low salaries. That explains a lot.
When I am elected, I will be sure to study the issue and get back to you.
I’d appreciate your support. If you would like to donate to my campaign, you can send donations to my new website which will be set up, um … sometime or another.
Mattapoisett resident Dick Morgado is an artist and happily retired writer. His newspaper columns appeared for many years in daily newspapers around Boston.
Thoughts on …
By Dick Morgado